just a thought...

"...it is only the ignorant man or the bigot who is satisfied with his own state of culture.."

-Arthur C. Parker, 1913

   As we enter into the final days before what is being called another "historic" election (which is redundant, as they are ALL historic), it is time to think long and hard about the direction we as a nation want to steer towards. This is not a post to urge you as a reader to vote on a particular candidate or issue. The idea behind this is a very basic one. 

   Think.

   As a nation, we have lost our way. The basic tenant of our country has been freedom; at its inception in 162o, it was freedom for people of faith to follow their heart. Now, proposition 8 is on the ballot in California. So, in fairness, let's give those opposed to the platform of gay marriage the benefit of the doubt and say that homosexuality is a choice. The choosing of ones'  religion is no less a choice. It is both visceral and private, a decision made because of a deep sense of what is held within the cloisters of the heart. People in Europe came to this country in droves because the choices they made in their method of worship drew criticism, or worse, condemnation. They did not all belong to the same religion, these early immigrants. But in coming here, they were able to find commonality in the struggle to make a living and a willingness to work together to further the ideals that eventually became these United States. Have we, a nation once again facing challenge and crisis, lost the core values of acceptance and unity through the destructive mindsets of entitlement and ennui?

   Think.

    When you see people arriving to political rallies with overtly prejudicial slogans or racially motivated images, do you stop to wonder why, in this day and age there are still people who cannot face their own insecurities and rise above them? There was a country in the not too distant past which, when facing catastrophic economic crisis, gave a face to the fear they all felt. They did not pull together and find unity in their struggles and attempt to overcome the looming crisis. Instead, they placed blame. The result in six million innocents herded to their deaths, a world torn asunder and many, many millions more dead at the end of a very terrible seven years' time. Is the image of the jew in the context of 1930's German propaganda any less inflammatory than a presidential candidate being represented by a monkey, or a blackface caricature?

    Think.

As a voter this election, take a minute to check your own heart. We spent more energy making decisions at the grocery store than we do picking the leaders of our country, and now face a land of haves and have nots. We have leaders in Washington who take pride in the fact that they didn't learn a basic precept in kindergarten- one the rest of us have to employ every day; the art of cooperation and compromise. That should never be something to be proud of, as the only way to advance is to pull together. A great leader is one who can take a team of many individuals, give them enough encouragement to trust themselves and each other and gently guide them on a common, productive course. Bullying can only bring fear and mistrust and eventual division. Now is not the time to force us to work together, it is a time for us to reach out to one another and seek a gentle hand to reassure us; to pull us together and guide us.

   Think, and let your heart lead you to the polls.... the rest will surely follow.

Just finished my english lit final, and it was a killer... compare and contrasting victorian lit with modernist/post-modernist and post-colonialist, and I am the better for it. There was a time in my life when I used to love to write and I can feel that stirring again and I am eager to meet myself therein once more. I have spent so much time avoiding who and what I am, but the veil is being lowered and my core can once more feel the sun. The warmth, the stirring; that words-simple letters arranged just so could stir the soul and revive a dormant being....

  the awakening..

things I forget

It never ceases to amaze me, what I am capable of forgetting. I have a whole foundation of life experiences which have shaped me, most of which I barely recall. I was reading my(wife's side) niece's column today and was taken with the honesty of it. She recounts some moments of her experiences being on the receiving end of an outburst of her mother's anger and shared some personal reflections on how they shaped both her and her mother.

The honesty of the piece is what captured me. I, too,  lost a parent early, and have grappled on numerous occasions with some character flaws that I have glossed over. I am learning that it isn't speaking ill of the dead to mention these now; I feel that it is more of a testament to them as a person that they, too  had to learn to handle their anger. That they, too had moments of paralyzing self doubt, or indecision.

I realize that it is okay to view them as a whole, for without that, we cannot affect change within ourselves. The Japanese have a saying; " the gods are in the details", and I believe that is the very essence of being human. Our humanity lies within our flaws, and by diminishing them, we weaken our own experiences.

My dad was very strict, could be short of temper on occasion and not a great demonstrator of affection; I am his carbon copy. I have far too many moments in my life where I allow day to day stresses to override my common sense, and flail wildly to cling to a part of my life I feel I can still control. The more my arms wave, the more they push those close away. The louder my voice, the less those around hear. In those moments of fear when I need my family, the more I isolate them from me.

That is why i feel that dear Jessica's memoir prompted such amazing feelings within me. I only had a small bit of contact with her mother before she passed; I knew nothing of her demons, or her past. I only now find out what a strong person she was to overcome them, and to end them rather than pass them on to her children. Anger, like hate, is a learned behavior. The way we deal with it determines the quality of time that those around us will allow us. I 

feel that the effort made by her mother is a true testament to her own courage and ability to see the good in both herself and within her children.

That is the reason she is so missed, and the reason I want to search deeper within myself. 

I don't want to forget what it was like to have courage. 

an absence

Well, here I am again, after a lengthy absence. Seems I haven't made this the priority that I thought I would; rationalizing it by believing no one would read it. That isn't my reason to continue this again, however. I am going to approach this as a positive "count to ten" in my life and use the time I spend doing this as an energizer for my creative spirit, which has lay dormant for many years.

Last night I had an Art History essay test, which is usually a grueling ordeal, rife with dates and names and styles reckoned to history and which generally make one's brain hurt. I often wondered (twenty two years ago, when i took it the first time) why the class couldn't be more geared towards an appreciation of art. I think that I got my answer somewhere within last night's test. As I was writing, it dawned on me that I was conversing about ancient near east art, cyclaedian and the greek periods...it was a bit of a shock!

The difference between an appreciation for, and a working knowledge of, is a matter of internalization. Since I have been going back to school, i have learned to appreciate things like math (and if you knew me in high school, you'd know just how huge a reversal THIS is!) and how to overcome initial judgments. That is probably the best thing college has given me.

The other force(s) in my life that are teaching me are my two girls; both very wise and very different. My oldest, Mina, is rightfully known around the house as "mini me", since she is my carbon copy, and the greatest test of my patience! From her, I am learning the meaning of unconditional love and how to deal with my own issues when she unknowingly pushes certain buttons. I would like to say that I am mastering these facets, but truthfully, I am  a slow learner.

Ramona, my youngest, is a force to be reckoned with; she is opinionated and a very self assured person at the age of two. From her I am learning respect and the art of listening to my own heart and not settling for what others expect of me. These both sound so basic, but as my wife points out, these are things some people never learn.

In a roundabout way, this is the crux of this blog; it is one thing to appreciate children- either yours or someone else's. It is another to really take in all those little life's lessons that they bring you. You can enjoy things or you can really get something  out of it.