whoops

So, Tuesday I get the call I have been dreading; the one where after weeks of rumor and heresay, you are told that as of the close of business Friday, you no longer have a job.

Suddenly I have joined a new slice of the pie charts that the government uses to depict its varied citizenry.Those who are more than a statistic.People. With names, and lives, and families.

The Unemployed.

I am not going to pretend that everything was okay. I tried to keep it together while I was on the phone. I tried to maintain the brave face in front of my wife when I got the news and turned to give her the news. I felt sick and I shook, and I sobbed and felt the very core of my being drop away. I felt what so many others are feeling right now; Fear. A very real and palpable fear for what is to come: unemployment, job hunting, the hurt pride when having to deny your children a simple pleasure because you aren't sure how you're going to stretch already thin resources as far as possible. Trying to get a plan together and in place amidst a whirlwind of uncertainty. In the midst of it all, too, there are moments of self doubt and it takes conscious effort to not slip away in the eddies of the "woe is me"s that nibble at the back of your mind.
And then the wisdom that is my wife spoke to me. She told me that perhaps this is the universe's way of removing the last vestiges of my my wall; of breaking down the obstructions that have held a lifetime of feelings deep down where I didn't have to deal with them. That perhaps, by taking so much from what was me, that I could actually live. She, in this case, and like every other time I listen to her, is right. Right now, outside our front door may be a myriad of paths I have never noticed before, paths that my previously paralyzed legs wouldn't or couldn't carry me over. Any one of them, or ALL of them could lead me to where I am supposed to be. So, while I am a recent addition to a group of people with uncertainties looming before them, I have decided that the first step in dealing with the blank slate that is the future of my family, I must start somewhere.
I am going to take all the negativity that has been generated by this loss, and replace it with some positivity. I am going to put a smile on in the morning and I am going to thank this wonderful, funny universe for the blessings that are my family and the chance to live again. I am going to genuinely connect with people i meet during the course of my day; a kind word, gesture, or what have you. These days we have given it the term "networking", but is the most basic characteristic of us as human beings. I believe that by each doing our part, we can chip away at the separation and pretense that has begun to creep over us as a people, and may each find that by extending a hand, we find one outstreched to pull us up, too.
In the simple, communal act of being human, we can help others, and in turn, find that others are willing to help us. No fear can overcome the simple act of the joy that is living.